So, soccer for Lillian has been a disaster these last two weeks. Beautiful melt downs at each practice. We’re giving it one more shot. Uniforms are given out tomorrow night, at least she’ll get a cute shirt out of it…?
Secretly, we’re hoping that she just isn’t into soccer. She’s shown a lot of interest in ballet lately. Anddd, our foster/adoption classes are on Saturday mornings so we wouldn’t be able to make it to a lot of the games. Obviously soccer is for HER and it was an ‘obligation’ before these classes started so, if she ends up loving it we’ll have a big decision on our hands come Saturday morning.
Our first foster/adoption class was last Saturday. I was pretty nervous going in to it. But, it turned out to really help ease a lot of my stress. We’ve never doubted that it was “the right thing to do” but there has been some anxiety on my part. It’s going to be work and it’s going to be full of emotions. Honestly, there was a part of me that didn’t want to turn down this road ‘for real’. Opening yourself up to this type of thing is a huge decision. After that first class all of those feelings were gone. We can do this. We want to do this. We are doing this Ah!! 
I was [really] late to my doctor’s appointment this morning. I’ll get the results to the pregnancy test tomorrow evening. I’m not as much of a mess as I thought I was going to be. With fostering and IVF ahead of us I’m all kinds of zen about this cycle. It is what it is and there are still options on the table for us. I’ve been knocked down a lot this last year but I refuse to let go of the future I have pictured for this family.
Thomas filed our taxes this morning. Between federal and State [NC] we’re getting $5,600 back. Want to know how much IVF + Meds costs with our doctor? $5,600. Oh, fuckin’ yeah, Baby!!!
I shared that little bit of info on FB this morning. Everyone replied that it was a “sign”. Then I felt bad for sharing. I hate getting people’s hopes up. NOT that I don’t think that it’s a wonderful sign or that I don’t have faith in my doctor or hope in our odds. BUT… after all this time… I’m a little less likely to trust my jaded eyes when I think a sign’s slapping me in the face.
I started college. Totally overwhelmed. But I’m determined to make it through… I think.
I picked up a few $2 rolls of film at my lab a while back. This morning I felt like I just needed to put one in the camera and enjoy some Film Therapy. I posted them below this post.
In just 15 minutes, a walk to the park, some acorn crushing and that everbright Arizona sunshine I got all the happiness I needed.
My girl’s ability to calm my soul is so beautiful.
Have a wonderful week, friends<3
